ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
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