if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
This is the high leading the old right now
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
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