I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
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