i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
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