Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
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