Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
