The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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