And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
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