He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
