drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
God gave him joint rollers for hands
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Randomize
