New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Randomize
