it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
