He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
We left the knife in your bed.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
That accounts for only three of the penises
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Randomize
