There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize