I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
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