Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
