i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
