dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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