I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
