JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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