Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
It's just like the Real World with babies
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
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