I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Randomize
