Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
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