Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
