don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize