I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
