i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Randomize
