Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
