I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
