You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
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