I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Randomize
