i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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