insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
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