I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize
