I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Randomize
