well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
