It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
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