i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Randomize
