you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
