Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
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