Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
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