Kareoke will never be a sober sport
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
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