I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
she smelled like a LAN party
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
My vagina just clenched in fear
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