You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Randomize
