Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Randomize
