dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
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