She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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