What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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