either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
