this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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