he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize