He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
