I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
