It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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