Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
Randomize
