if you like me you must not know who I am
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
