You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
