The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Randomize
