I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize