dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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