he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Randomize
