well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
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