found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Randomize
