I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
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