So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
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