I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
