My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Randomize
