Where is the hickey?
i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
