is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
