y did u give ur computer a hand job?
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
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