The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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