life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
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