Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
