i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
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